(This is an update I put on my main blog, Digital Brush Stroke, but I felt it deserved to be here as well in case anyone is interested in Pure Eden. Because this is affecting the work I'm doing for it as well as my normal review stuff.)
Hey everyone, I'm sorry that there hasnt been any updates recently
and I'm trying to fix that, but I'd like everyone to know what's
happening, without all the vagueness.
Simply put
I'm losing people, its all happening at once and at a speed that scares
me. For the past year or two my Grandfather has slowly deteriorated due
to Parkinsons, to the point where he can barely speak and eat, let alone
walk. And this is a guy whos been around the world with the army,
survived battles that he will not speak of, taught children the wonder
of music, raised a family while travelling around the world. So when
this giant of a man sits crippled in a chair, crying because his wife is gone and he can no longer live the life he once had.
And
my Grandmother doesnt help any of this, Alzhemiers has taken the person
she was and replaced it with someone whos response to help is anger,
rather than thanks. A person who for no fault of her own hurts people
she loves, and with each passing day loses another part of herself.
And
that is within my family, recently 2 friends of my family have died in
the last week. A friend of my sisters was killed when he was hit by a
car in Swadlincote, and a friend of my fathers died when he lost control
of his Ferrari and hit a tree.
I didnt know these
people well, but I can see the pain on my family's faces and for someone
like me who's mood reflects that of others, I can feel the loss. And it
makes me think of the pain people are suffering and I worry, for while I
may not have know my sisters friend "Frodo" I did know the son of my
Fathers friend. I feel sorrow and worry for him, for the pain he feels
and in part the pain I know I will feel, for I will feel loss sooner
rather than later.
I feel almost paralysed by it all,
unable to lift a pencil or pen to put thoughts to paper. Instead I want
to curl up into a ball and wish everything better, though I know it wont
be, I know that this is going to continue and I will keep losing people
and I dont want it to happen.
It makes me wonder if
life is worth it, and right now I'm not entirely sure but I'm going to
keep on living it. And maybe I'll bring some life into this world, a
part of me given shape and soul with the help of another.
For I guess thats what we all want.
A family.
